A small guide to the provincial : 6 typical (and annoying) Parisian expressions

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You little provincial, yes, you who have just arrived in the “big city” and are having trouble getting used to the Parisian language… Get it through your thick skull: to native Parisians, you’re nothing more than an earthy ass plucked from a rice paddy about to discover civilization, so you’re going to have to adapt fast, my Coco! Do the expressions used by Parisian bobos seem as strange to you as an episode of the X-Files? That’s normal. “Mommy, I want to go home…” Go on, grit your teeth, provincial boy, it’s going to be all right…

*Written by a Parisian provincial by adoption, this article should of course be taken with a grain of salt. (Yes, you have to be careful, not only are Parisians sulky but they’re also touchy)  😜

Typical expression #1: On est sur / Je vais partir sur 

“On est sur” No, this typically Parisian expression doesn’t mean that the Parisian is sure of anything… It’s more of a self-analysis. “On est sur un jus pomme/gingembre” (We’re on an apple/ginger juice) This expression is rather practical as it can be adapted to any situation in the mouth of the Parisian. “Now we’re on to a big diarrhea” (It’s a gift!) The same goes for “je vais partir sur” (I’m going to leave on), because at a restaurant, the Parisian doesn’t order a croque-monsieur, he leaves on a croque-monsieur…

What the province includes: I didn’t know that croque-monsieur was a means of locomotion… (#agacement)

What the Southerner says: “A rare steak and a glass of red”

Typical expression #2: when talking about money, Parisians speak in K’s 

Newly arrived in Paris, you may be surprised to hear talk of K money, because up until now you’ve thought of it as Special K cereal… But for the Parisian, it’s the basics. And we’re going to have to adapt very quickly or risk being seen as a beggar, like Jacqouille who thinks television is a troubadour’s club. “How high are you? I’m at 5O K!” 🙄(nasally Parisian voice)

What the province includes: What an idea to talk about tunes like a bra cup size!

What the southerner says: “”I slammed 100 balls in the buvette!”

Typical expression #3: the Parisian talks about himself in the 3rd person “We love it”

“On adooooooooreeeeeee” If you want to fit in, this phrase should be pronounced with a certain musicality (or even a sissy voice)… The Parisian, but especially the Parisian we must admit, seems to substitute his opinion for the general opinion. It’s a bit like the Alain Delon syndrome: to say “j’adore”, the Parisian woman says “on adore” and that’s that.

What the province includes: Who’s we? (He thinks about it all day)

What the Southerner says: “Oh bitch, stop doing Beyoncé because I’m going to pester you!”

Typical expression #4: the Parisian masters his Franglais expressions to perfection 

Telecommuting, team lunch, hello, I’m tired, it’s strange, I’m bored? “Connait pas” dixit le parisien. For him, it’s “home office” “team lunch”, “Hello”, “je suis dead”, “so creepy” and “BORING”. French expressions? It’s so 2016…

What the province includes: He signs up for Babbel.

What the Southerner says: “Fucking idiot!” That’s it,“we’re on” of the French language, thank you!

Typical expression #5: Let’s have breakfast! How about dinner? 

In the south or anywhere else in the provinces, we eat, we eat, we eat, no matter what time it is. For the Parisian, it’s a no-brainer, but for you it’s all new. In the capital, at midday we have a “dej'” and in the evening, we go for dinner.

What the province includes: “Dearest friend, would you agree to go to dinner with me?”

What the Southerner says:  “Do we eat or what?”

Typical expression #6: It’s hot! 

“Wahou”, “C’est beau” “C’est magnifayyyque” “C’est de toute bôôôté” “j’adore” … Don’t waste your time with all those superfluous onomatopoeias and qualifying adjectives… For Le Parisien, only one expression is tolerated: CANON! A word that is not only used to designate something beautiful, but also replaces expressions deemed obsolete by the parigot such as “trop bien!” or “c’est cool”… “Are you going on a spiritual retreat in Peru on the back of a llama? THIS-NO!”

What the province includes: Too weird to use the same word for a super hot girl and a spiritual retreat in Peru on the back of a llama…

What the Southerner says: “Oh boy, that’s some steak!”